Sociology class, it’s boring and I’m doing my best to stay awake. Even though I’m exhausted and tired, I have all this energy. I keep thinking about next Monday. Seven days. I always pronounce it with a creepy voice after watching loads of horror films. All I can think about is my.. Well, it sucks to say it, well, write it. My girlfriend. I miss her. I’m struggling to keep my tears in while I’m writing this. I want to see her. I miss her touch, her sweet hands that pet me gently over my cheek. I never thought I could be so in love. It’s a strange feeling and I find myself hating it more than loving it. It must sound weird when I say that I hate it instead of loving it, but it’s the truth. Seeing her leave is so painful that I can’t allow myself to show any emotions. I turn around, bite my lip and tell myself; Hold it in. Until it’s dark and late, that’s when all the tears come. I cry for hours and too many tears go to waste.
Things would be so much simpler if my mom would open her eyes and see that the world is changing. Sometimes I can’t even see her in my life. I see myself ending high school, moving out with AJ and she’s not with me. It doesn’t scare me and I don’t think it ever has. I have known since I was a little girl that my mother would never be in my future. Because she cannot accept me, she won’t and she never will. My dad in the other hand understands me, at least more than her. I’m just so tired of this family drama. It’s so fucking out of date.
Only seven days left. Shit, time goes by so slowly. Fucking Madonna lyrics. I need my beautiful girl. She’s lovely and even though we fight a lot, I wouldn’t switch her for anyone or anything. I mean, she’s the real deal. To this very day I still have issues looking at her or meeting her gaze. She makes me blush and giggle and it’s all so fucking disturbing. I love her. I really do love her. I can’t stand being away from her. I hallucinate that she’s in the bed with me. I can feel her and smell her all the time. Why the fuck….. Sight. I need to hang on……. I need to fucking survive seven days. SEVEN DAYS. Holy shit, I almost bit my tongue. I’m out of words and all I have is stupid feelings and thoughts. SHIT. I’m so blown away with the thought of just holding her hand in mine. I hate living far away from her.
This is such a failure, this blog and me…… and why. WHY. WHY. WHY. Sorry for raging out, but it’s I’m so close, but still so far away. I hate being this soft, but SHIT. SEVEN DAYS. FML FML FML FML FML. Shit.
I need a cigarette.