Dreams

I keep having the same dream over and over again. I see myself in bed with who that shall not be named. We stare at each other, smiling and tell each other how much we love each other. I wake up with my face buried in the wet pillow. Tears. I’m honestly considering hypnosis. I wonder if that will work. If that really can take all of my memories away. If I can’t experience that again, I don’t want to have any recollection of it ever happening. I want peace. The last words spoken was; Leave me alone, go be happy with someone else. I’m leaving it all alone and trying to be happy with someone else. It’s hard because my heart belongs to the person who doesn’t want me. It’s strange because as I see it; I’m a river. I can seem calm and gentle, but I can be pretty wild. While the person is a glass. Hard, but very delicate, can easily be shattered. You can glue it back together, but it won’t be the same. And now, I just realized that I’m actually the glass. I will always be the glass. 

Dreams

I keep having the same dream over and over again. I see myself in bed with who that shall not be named. We stare at each other, smiling and tell each other how much we love each other. I wake up with my face buried in the wet pillow. Tears. I’m honestly considering hypnosis. I wonder if that will work. If that really can take all of my memories away. If I can’t experience that again, I don’t want to have any recollection of it ever happening. I want peace. The last words spoken was; Leave me alone, go be happy with someone else. I’m leaving it all alone and trying to be happy with someone else. It’s hard because my heart belongs to the person who doesn’t want me. It’s strange because as I see it; I’m a river. I can seem calm and gentle, but I can be pretty wild. While the person is a glass. Hard, but very delicate, can easily be shattered. You can glue it back together, but it won’t be the same. And now, I just realized that I’m actually the glass. I will always be the glass. 

Now

Forgetting someone is never easy, specially not when you’ve shared your whole self. As of now I am trying to forget the small things. Favorite food, color, plans – all that stuff. I’m trying to smile, to forget – to love ME instead of someone else. It’s harder than I thought it would be. Everyone else has moved on. It’s old news now apparently. However, no one truly knows how I feel and I’m not up for sharing it all. I must say I’ve been good. I have avoided social medias where I follow or have the opportunity to stalk that someone. I’m doing what I said I would; erasing all evidence. I’m going to lock it all up inside. I’m going to let my hate grow. In the end I will remember this someone as a sinner, a liar and a cunt. This is how I am truly going to get over what has happened. I respect his/her choices, but I will never forget the biggest lie, the lie I have marked on my body for the rest of my life; Always. In good or bad. And Lord knows it has been a lot of bad. I will never forgive that someone or each person that I consider close to me who mingles with her/him. I am done. At least trying.