denial

I’ve never been photogenic, it’s just how it is. I’m a live show, true story. I wish I was photogenic tho, it would be fun. Even though my face isn’t photogenic, my body is. I know it sounds a bit wrong and totally like a prosy or something. I mean, clothes and shit, body parts ( non sexual way). Now I’m putting on weight because of my meds and unhealthy eating habits. I have to reach my old weight. It wasn’t much, but enough for me. Weighing 42-45 kg was perfect. It made me feel good. I’m leaning toward 47-49 and it’s killing me. I can see my body change and I fucking hate it. I’m going to start working out. I have a treadmill right outside of my room. I just need to find strength and determination.

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